Homesick

I’ve been in denial for the last few weeks, but by golly, it’s happened! This girl is going through a spout of homesickness. I refused to admit to myself how much I missed Vancouver during the fall term, but since returning to Cardiff after a lovely few weeks at home… I can’t lie anymore. It’s hitting me in a strange way. Would I like to go home tomorrow? No… not really… (well, yes) but I’m here, I like it, and I’m making the most of it. My homesickness is instead manifesting in obsessing about my future. I feel okay being away for now, but I have decided stubbornly that I want to spend the rest of my life in Vancouver. Unfortunately, this is coinciding with my hunt for graduate programs. I’m currently wishing to do my Masters Degree in Museum Studies. I realized that my dream program at UBC is all online which I don’t believe will work for me as I am someone who needs hands-on learning. UBC and SFU do not offer any programs that would suit me and UVIC only offer graduate-level certificates which I don’t think will benefit me in my career. This will probably mean moving away once again. I’m leaning towards returning to the UK- as I can do a world-class degree in 12 months… and in 2019 I can move back to Vancouver where I wish to stay forever. If I go to another province in Canada, I’m looking at 2-3 years… which is much too long for me (I’m pathetic I know).

My parents just renovated the bathrooms at home and they look amazing! I’m so desperate for a bath but alas… its 7700km away… I WANT A BATH AND ALL I HAVE IS A TINY SHOWER TOO SMALL TO PROPERLY SHAVE MY LEGS! I miss my god damn, weird-ass family, my cats, my dog, my friends, and work! I even miss Kingsgate Mall.

I don’t mind sharing with you that I believe I suffer from an anxiety disorder. It runs in the family. As my mom said when referring to her grandma, crazy nanny, “it never skips a generation.” I cope, but the truth is I haven’t been having the glamorous life that I curate through my social media. I’ve been in Cardiff for three weeks now and my classes still haven’t started. Besides a few small day trips to Caerleon and Bristol, and a nice visit from Karina, I haven’t been doing anything. I’ve sworn off dating, my new friends aren’t here anymore, and my old friends are still tootin’ around Vancity. I have some lovely roommates- but truthfully it’s been a bit lonely. I’m looking forward to starting uni (tomorrow- thank the goddess!) if only for elevator conversation.

In the meantime, I will stop pitying myself. I am on a jealousy-inducing year abroad and I ought to have a good time- and honestly besides the loneliness… I have! I have been focusing on mastering the kitchen. I splurged on Aveda shampoo and some very gourmet ingredients, learned how to properly cook fish, and have been enjoying my new espresso Moka pot and milk frother. And whenever I feel a little bit homesick, all I have to do is eat some of my lovely granola (which was my mother and nana’s recipes)